On Top of the Colossus

Today I walked down our old street,
Past the diner where we’d meet,
But still I dine alone in my seat.

The cold wind blows right through my bones,
And I feel like I’m getting old,
But I wish I was getting old with you.

I held your hand when,
We took shelter from the rain,
She laughed as we joked and picked out,
Our children’s names….. 

Here’s a confession: I want to attain “true happiness.”

My version of true happiness it to connect fully and meaningfully with just one person.

But sadly, I fail to the gauge the attention of any female I come to like.

I’ve always wished to be noticed when I’m not around, to be a part of someone’s dreams, and to be reminded of when someone comes across certain things.

But I guess my physical appearance isn’t that impressive and my personality, morals, and values aren’t of any notable worth.

I’ve accepted recently that I may in fact be a weak person, because I need someone to come and save me and share my life.

Hell, I’m not looking for love. That would be awesome. But it’s not realistic at this time at least.

I simply want someone I can hang out with, have fun with, and who simply cares for my presence.

Someone who enjoys my company.

Someone who wakes up in the morning while I do and thinks about me and wants to see me.

I would love to simply be able to go through all the bullshit and hardships throughout the day and laugh in the face of the garbage that life throws at me.

Because at the end of the day, I’ll still have her.

Now the summer is coming to a quick close.

And soon I will have to return to another semester of isolation, surrounded by people I simply can’t relate to at my college.

While all my friends get to share memories and good times without me.

It just hurts, but nobody understands that.

Recently, I thought I fell in love.

And then new feelings presented themselves.

But because of my past experiences, it feels like I have little to no confidence anymore.

I’m perfectly willing to stomach all this and just accept that I won’t be saved any time soon.

But the world has me dizzy again.

You figure after 19 years I would be used to spin.

And it only feels worse, when I stay in one place.

So I’m always pacing around, or walking away……

I’ve turned my back on everything I’ve ever asked for.

For you I’ll wait, till kingdom come….

If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.